Broken
by dibscracqueen
Summary: S.H.I.E.L.D is gone and Natasha doesn't know what to do. One-shot. Rated T for language.


**A/N: **I'm more of a Bucky/Natasha shipper but I watched the movie and I just had to write this. Please let me know if I made any errors- grammatical or otherwise.

**Disclaimer: **All rights belong to Marvel.

When they all started splitting, going their separate ways, it was the first time in a long time Natasha didn't know what to do. It was the first time in a long time that she wasn't working for anyone. There was no mission to complete. No assassination to carry out. No objective.

S.H.I.E.L.D had been her life for so long. And before that, it was some other organization. She couldn't remember her life doing anything else. As fucked up as it was, she felt at home when she was out taking down people for a cause. She liked having a purpose.

Now, she'd resorted to doing mundane things; reading, going for jogs, feeding herself, going through the motions of cleaning her already spotless studio apartment. The most exciting thing she'd been doing was going to the shooting range, and then coming back and beating the shit out of the punching bag. She did it until her muscles were shaking.

A few days had passed since they took S.H.I.E.L.D down. So far, no one had dared to give her trouble about her past. The reporters tried, once. After that, no one could find her. She _was _a professional spy- all it took to hide from the cameras was a hoodie and some sunglasses. And no one knew where she lived anyways.

All in all, life was killing her.

On the fifth day since the big showdown, Clint showed up on her doorstep. He was the one exception- the only one who had more than two puzzle pieces in the picture that was her life. He stood at the door with one eyebrow raised. The only thing he said was, 'Really?'

'Good to see you alive too, Barton.' She supplied her crooked smile and stepped back to let him in. He walked past her and sat himself down on the couch, limbs sprawling in all directions. Natasha noticed the new scar on his arm.

'So...' Clint started as Natasha repositioned the armchair so that it was facing Clint and sat on it, arms folded in front of her. 'I leave for _two_ weeks, Nat. Tell me this isn't' proof that I shouldn't leave you alone.'

'This isn't proof.'

He sat up straighter. 'What the hell happened? I mean, I heard. But... _what the hell happened?'_

'What happened was what had to be done,' she said smoothly. 'I take it Afghanistan didn't go so well?'

He scoffed and leaned back again. 'You could say that. We managed to get the hard drive safe across. We just got the doctor blown up in the process. And then, of course, just as we were about to hand the drive over, we got the call. S.H.I.E.L.D was gone. We had to make it back on our own.'

'The Rabbit Hole?'

He nodded. 'Wasn't easy either.'

They fell silent after that. She could hear his breathing, slightly ragged, and she noticed his hair was a mess and the heavy bags under his eyes. He looked worn out.

'Natasha,' he said softly once a minute had passed. 'How are you holding up?'

Her eyebrows dipped. 'Very fucking bad.'

He chuckled. 'That bad huh?'

She shrugged. 'I have nothing that I need to accomplish. You know how I hate that.'

He nodded. 'You know, SHIELD's still operating. Kind of.'

She pursed her lips. 'Are you talking about the civil war that's going on? The one ripping SHIELD apart?'

'Yes. More importantly, why aren't you all up in it?'

That's when her shoulders slumped, her fingers digging into her own thighs. 'Because I don't need them looking at me like I know they will. My past is now everyone's business.'

'Coulson would take you,' Clint replied.

'He has enough problems of his own,' she said.

Clint sighed and leaned forwards, resting his arms on his thighs. 'Hang in there, Nat.'

_Hang in there._

It was what she'd been doing all her life, what she was best at.

'What do we do now?' she asked Clint. He was someone who could understand her predicament.

He ran a hand through his hair. 'We wait for jobs, I guess.' _Assassination or espionage _jobs, he didn't say, because that was the only skill they had.

'Do you think it's a little sad?' Natasha said. 'That everyone else found other things to do and here we are, still waiting on _jobs.'_

Clint shrugged. 'It's the only life we know. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, you know. We may be completely screwed up, but we're dedicated to what we do and there's nothing wrong with that.'

Natasha just thought they must be completely broken to be thinking like that.

Clint left then, after more small talk and a promise on her behalf that she'd take care of herself and keep busy.

And she _had _kept herself busy. She'd taken to spending the nights in the shady parts of town, watching from rooftops and kicking assholes who harassed women. She couldn't afford to wear her trademark suit and get recognized so she'd started wearing black tights, a leather jacket and her red hair stuffed in a wig. She was practically a fucking vigilante. Hoorah.

That was how she wound up sitting on a rooftop, waiting for a truck to arrive with a certain shipment to the opposite building. So far, it had been mind-numbingly dull work. Nothing she hadn't done before but after playing with the big guns, this felt like nursery.

She missed cap.

She didn't know why they had worked, but they had. They were opposites, almost, and yet they fit together. Maybe it was because of their pasts and the fact that no one would ever be able to understand that. Maybe it was because they balanced each other out; his goodness and her sharp edges. Or maybe she just felt like she could… trust him. Probably his boy scout, wholesome persona.

Either ways, he was gone now in search of the Soldier and she just wished he'd taken her with him. Partly because she was bored, partly because she had seen exactly how dangerous the Winter Soldier was. Steve hadn't even told her really where he was off to. He was probably halfway across the world by now.

So naturally, she wasn't expecting the man in question to be standing behind her. 'SHIELD disbands, you finally get a holiday, and this is what you do?'

She turned around slowly, years of super-spy training coming in handy to hide her surprise. He stood there, half hidden in the shadows with his hands in his pockets, clad in a hoodie and jeans.

'How'd you know I'd be here?'

He smiled his all-American smile. 'Good to see you too. Barton had a suspicion you'd be here.' He eyed the gun that Natasha still held in her hands thanks to instinct.

Dropping the gun to her side, her eyebrows furrowed. 'What are you doing here?'

He shrugged, walking towards her. 'I'm visiting.'

Once he'd reached her, she put down the gun, reached forwards and hugged him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, standing on the very tip of her toes to reach there, she felt his warmth seeping into her. It was a second before Steve responded but then he rested his hands on her lower back. Pulling back, she noticed his raised eyebrows.

'I was worried about you, you know,' she explained.

Cap smiled. 'Didn't know the Black Widow was capable of worrying.'

'The more you know,' she said as she headed back towards the ledge of the building, not wanting to miss the truck's arrival and ruin all the time spent waiting. Steve lowered himself slowly beside her and she didn't miss the slight wince as he adjusted his position.

'What happened?' she finally asked in a soft tone.

He clenched his jaw, his eyes drifting up to the starless night sky. 'We found him.'

'And?'

'And nothing. I talked to him, he listened. And that was that. He said he'd find me.'

'Did he remember?'

The pain in his eyes was obvious as Steve let out a very tired sigh. 'Only bits. Very small flashes that he didn't know what to make of. He doesn't even remember the childhood we spent together.'

Natasha found herself leaning over and slowly reaching out a hand to place on his back in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. _There_ was the wince again.

'Did you get injured?'

He answered her question with a nod. 'Only slightly.'

Without asking for his permission, she tugged his shirt up. He watched her as she took in the scar that slashed across his back. '_Only slightly_? Why hasn't this healed?'

'I just got it yesterday. It's much better today and it'll be gone by tomorrow.'

She pulled her hand back and frowned at Steve. 'Why do you let this happen to yourself? You barely recuperated from the SHIELD ordeal.'

At that, he turned towards her and just as she hadn't asked him, he didn't ask her before he grabbed a corner of her shirt and slightly lifted it up. If it was _anyone _else, she would've flipped them over and broken their nose by now, but she felt comfortable enough with Steve to not do that. She looked down at where his gaze had gone to. It was the healed bullet wound, the one she had showed him. That seemed like an eternity ago.

His fingers ghosted over the discolored skin, his eyebrows drawn up. She noticed that his hand was so big that it almost fit around half her waist. 'Same reason that you let this happen to you,' he said, answering her earlier question. 'Because these are causes we believe in.'

She scoffed. 'Well it seems the causes I believe in always end up being evil.'

'Not always,' he said. 'What we did with SHIELD was right. We saved millions.'

There was a pause in which Natasha got lost in her own thoughts. Then she said with a scoff, 'You must think there's something fundamentally wrong with me. Everyone else moved on, found something else to do. But not me: still in the business of violence.' In fact, that was when she was happiest- in the middle of the action with the adrenaline pumping through her veins.

Steve took a deep breath, sucking in the cool breeze that ruffled his hair. 'No. I think… I think that violence isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's the only way to fight other, worse violence.'

_That's what Clint said._

She stared at the Audi that just whizzed by in the mostly empty street below. 'I don't think I could get away from it even if I tried. It's who I am, who I was brought up to be.' She wondered if he had read her file yet. She didn't want to know. 'Fucked up, huh?'

He didn't flinch at her crass language, not like he did when he first started working with her. It seemed that he'd learnt a few things about the twenty first century since then. For some reason, that made her sad.

'Not necessarily,' he said, his voice low. His fingers were still tracing the skin on her abdomen but he pulled his hand back as Natasha's eyes fell on it, taking the warmth away as he did so. She looked up and realized his face was closer to her than she needed it to be, his grey-blue eyes looking _at _her. Not good. Not good because just then a thought flitted through her head; that if she leaned _just _a little forward, she could close the distance between them and press against him to soak in the warmth he provided.

Her last fuck had been too long ago, she decided, because she usually never felt like this for guys as _good_ as Steve was. She couldn't afford to break their hearts.

She couldn't handle getting close to someone right now. Hell, she still hadn't figured out how she felt about the other bow and arrow wielding idiot. She couldn't deal with another complication when it came to this sort of thing. She didn't have the privilege. She'd had it taken away the day she'd started training to be the assassin she was today. So she was almost grateful when the phone rang, breaking the moment. Steve averted his eyes and sat back as she fished her cell out from the pouch attached to her belt. The caller ID was blocked.

'Romanov?' the male voice on the other end said once she'd answered.

'Who's asking?'

'Is that how you greet an old friend? I guess manners weren't a top priority in the red room huh?'

Natasha groaned internally as she recognized the voice. 'Tony. What is it?'

'Uh, yeah. We have a situation. Fury wants us to gather at Stark tower.'

'Us?'

'Yeah, you know, the Avengers, team awesome, team kick-ass. Whatever floats your boat. We have a mission. Some idiot's trying to blow up the world again. Why can't the big bads just get laid and have a couple. Seriously, why are they so-'

'I'll be there.'

'_Great_. Now do you happen to know where Captain Patriotism is? We're short one walking, talking American flag.'

'He'll be there too,' Natasha said, turning to Steve for confirmation. He nodded.

'Great. See you kiddies tomorrow then. Stay chaste.'

She hung up and turned back to Steve. 'Well Cap, looks like it's time to suit up. We have ourselves a new cause.' She spotted a truck driving down the road, indicator blinking to turn into the opposite building. 'Hey, wanna help me first?'

'Gladly.'

The next day found them walking through the doors of Stark Tower together. It was now apparently the unofficial headquarters for the Avengers.

It was good to be home.


End file.
